Knowing your Baby is not forgotten...

Through Brenna's Mum's page - (yes... her daughter Brenna was born too early - around the same time that our Brenna was due... and her Mum took the time to write to me) I found the story of William... a beautiful little boy born still in April this year. William's Mum writes here. The idea she writes of here, of Christmas notes for her little boy's stocking, is a beautiful one. It's something to keep in mind if you feel it an appropriate idea for someone in your life. The following poem I keep on our Brenna's page and it echoes similar - the not forgetting, the remembering.

The mention of our child’s name may bring tears to our eyes -
But it never fails to bring music to our ears.
Friends, please don’t keep us from hearing the beautiful music.
It soothes our broken hearts and fills our souls with love.

There will be a message from me, for William's stocking, come Christmas. I have also mentioned the idea to the children, if they wanted to write one for Brenna's stocking. They need not be read aloud on Christmas day, if they don't want to, but the idea is there if they want to write one for her. xo

Still broken but cradled...

I was thinking about it the other day... Quinn has 'healed' (not the right word) some parts of me after losing Brenna... not that I miss her less or ache less in that sense because I don't... but that how situations make me feel is so very different now, to before Quinn...iykwim I would read about other people feeling the same (before I was pregnant with Quinn) and while I heard what they said I never really understood how it made that difference... iykwim

I think it's that I haven't finished my pregnancy/birthing/Baby days on such a sad note and I think it's made a difference in that sense - that baby things don't automatically make me sad because they're in a different context now.
Although Baby Girls... seeing my friend's baby who was due the same time as Brenna etc still does catch my heart off-guard... there's still tears when I least expect them... that kind of thing... so I do still 'get' it... and while I've come a long way, I'm still a Mum to a little girl I can never hold again... one I wish for so much... long to see what she would look like now, playing with her siblings...

Sadly there is a new Precious Angel, born not too long ago into the world too early to a loving family... the ache has only just begun... rest Little Man with a handsome name. Whispered kisses to you, and to your Family. Hugs to Mum... xo

Much loved Little Man...

Sadly there is a new Precious Angel, born not too long ago into the world too early to a loving family... the ache has only just begun... rest Little Man with a handsome name. Whispered kisses to you, and to your Family. Hugs to Mum... xo

Precious Angel...

Another family has lost their Baby... a precious, loved and much wanted Bub who had as much right as any to a living place on this earth - who should be here right now, in arms, warm and safe. So unbelievably unfair and just plain wrong... it shouldn't happen. Insane to think that in just a matter of minutes, the life you imagined for your family and your new Baby is just gone. Just like that. One minute life is poldding along fine and your mind is planning and imagining, and the next, it's all gone. Just this deep void of loss replacing it. I was thinking about this as we drove the other day... and wishing so much they never had to know this feeling.

In some ways, it seems like losing Brenna was so long ago, but in other ways it's so very close, it's never far away - especially when you hear of the heartbreak for other families, it 'refreshes' or takes you right back, and everything comes to the surface again ... and when that happens you want to help, so badly (and perhaps this is the purpose of resurfacing emotions, in a practical sense anyway)... you want them to know that the journey eventually will take them to somewhere so different to where they are now... but you can't tell them that because they won't believe it... no one can believe that the grief and heartbreak won't ever be THIS raw as it is now...so overwhelming that you're not even a participant in the world...
You want to help... but in the end this journey is one they must undertake... there are no shortcuts, no 'ways around' only through. You can be there, help practically, be an ear, acknowledge the special place in their heart this Baby holds - all of which of course can make a huge difference TO the journey no matter how small the gesture, word or thought... but you can never 'help' in the sense of hastening the journey itself...
Not a day goes by I don't wish for our Brenna... and now another family knows the heartbreak, just as so many have known it before, in so many different ways. Another precious Baby with Angel Wings.

Whispered kisses to you, Baby James... xo My heart is with your Mum & Dad and family...

Another little Angel joins the sky...

Another Family loses a much-wanted Bub to Angel Wings, far far too early. There isn't ever a 'good' time to lose a child, there just isn't. To lose them while their life and your hope is growing inside you... It rips your heart apart. To L, R, C & J & Family we send our love, heartfelt best wishes, warm hugs and offer of anything at any time... as this Baby has joined her Angel Siblings... xo