The other day the first name on the credits of a show I watch was my Dad's name, followed by a variation on Brenna's name... and I said the two names together, [Dad] & Brenna... and then pondered that I would never have a photo of the two of them together, with the caption written by my Mum saying [Dad] and Brenna...

and then reading someone's sig on a forum, their baby born at x weeks gestation (very prem, survived) and I know that's not an easy road either, but just some more weeks and Brenna could have maybe made it... you know? And having Brooke's friend over the other day, the two of them together and two of our boys were at a friend's place and Quinn was asleep... and how different it was having two girls in the house together... so I wondered some more...
still I wonder if I did something - I mean, I know 'these things happen' but it seems so less easy to 'get' that when it's you... I was carrying a little girl inside me, she was growing and moving... who at term in my arms warm from being born would have been a little girl... to grow up in our house, with us... all of us, take her first steps, giggle at her siblings. Instead grows up in our hearts, our littlest tiny girl.

although my ... 'happy' was today when we were at an appt and M said to Jake, 'how many brothers and sisters do you have, Jake?' And without hesitation he replied 'I have two brothers and two sisters'... smile inside from me. Made Mum proud, matey.

So Brenna is in a million ways, still much a part of our lives. Just not as we ever intended, but not less loved. xo